Accepting the Past, Embracing the Future
by horrorphile
Summary: Carol decides to make some changes to her life. Daryl doesn't want to be left behind.
1. Chapter 1

Moonstruck

Carol murmured a "Goodnight" to Denise and opened the door of the infirmary to find Daryl sitting on the porch. He stood up when she came out of the medical unit, "Ready to go home now?"

She eyed him warily. Carol had been meeting with Denise three times a week since Sam was killed. Most of her visits were late in the evening like this one. She and Denise would drink a cup of tea and talk. It wasn't a big secret but Carol had never talked with Daryl about it. They hadn't talked much about anything lately but here he was waiting on this porch to walk her back to the house. _What's going on with you?_

"Moon's full tonight. It's not cold. So you wanta take a walk?" He peered at her in the almost darkness.

She had a shitload of things to do at the house. Rick and Daryl had just returned from a run today and Daryl should be home sleeping. She was still a little unsettled from seeing him rocking on the porch as if he had nothing better to do but wait for her. "You going to protect me from werewolves?"

It was a lame joke and Daryl gave his almost smile, "You take out the werewolves and I'll take care of everything else." He took her right hand in his left to help her down the dark steps and didn't turn loose as they began to walk under the streetlights. "That's a harvest moon. Full moon closest to the autumnal equinox."

The moon was just coming up over the walls. Carol sighed, "I used to like to walk in the open area around the prison and look at the sky at night." _Then if you were on watch I'd go up and sit with you for a while._

"I miss it too. Miss feeling like we were creating our own safe place. Not just a place for people to get away from the walkers, but a place where we could be the person we wanted to be." Daryl glanced up at the moon. "We can have that here. I know you're trying."

For a moment she was back in Atlanta talking to Daryl about this world consuming her. Maybe it was time to talk to Daryl again, "I started therapy with Denise after I couldn't stop crying one night. I went by the next morning and there wasn't anyone there and I told her about Karen and David. Then I told her about Mika and Lizzie. Cried the whole time. I've been seeing her three times a week since then. I bring her cookies and brownies." _So go ahead and tell me therapy is for those who want to wallow in their misery._

He squeezed her hand gently, "I told everyone that I was going to the infirmary to have my wound checked, but I was in there spilling my guts out about my father and losing my mother. I knew you were going there too. I figured you would tell me when you were ready."

They walked two circuits around Alexandria before they decided to go home and eat a piece of apple cake. Carol was feeling slightly buzzed. Almost lighthearted. Comfortable with Daryl holding her hand. Laughing with him when he told her about trying to chase down "that asshole Jesus" and how Glenn was having more morning sickness than Maggie. The moon watching them as they headed back to the house. Carol went in first with Daryl right behind her. The living room was dark and they hesitated just a second to let their eyes adjust to the room's lack of light.

Then, the unmistakable moans of Rick and Michonne wafted down from the second floor. Carol froze in place but had to stuff her hand in her mouth to keep her from giggling. _Rick and Michonne having sex? Awkward. Don't think I better ask if they want a piece of apple cake_.

Daryl leaned close to her and whispered in her ear, "Let's go outside." His hot breath in her ear sent a message to her brain that she didn't want to decode right then.

Daryl shut the door behind them carefully and they sneaked off the porch and back out on the street laughing like idiots. Carol looked at Daryl, "We can't walk all night. Those two didn't sound like they are going to sleep any time soon. I have the keys to the house next door. Eric and I are working on it. Let's give the happy couple a little privacy."

Daryl followed her to Shelley's house and as always she avoided looking at the place where her friend was standing when she was killed. Carol opened the door and turned on the lamp. She and Eric had argued about every piece of furniture in the room, but they were both pleased with the result. They had taken the carpet up and put in a hardwood floor. Carol felt like that freed them up to add more color to the room.

Daryl ignored her red sofa and headed toward the artwork, "I like this one. It's the pond in the center of town. Looks peaceful. Who painted it? Don't see any name on it. This one looks like the farm." He was silent for a minute. Just examining the two paintings. "You painted them didn't you?" Daryl walked to her. "They're really good. Why are you hiding them over here?" _Maybe I have a few secrets, Daryl. Maybe you don't know me as well as you think you do._

"I'm going to move here. All my life I've been living in someone else's house. I want a home of my own." Carol finally looked at Daryl. "I am just next door. I don't want to run away, Daryl. I just want some space, and from the sound of things Rick and Michonne need some privacy." She took her jacket off and tossed it on the chair. "Take your coat off and I'll make us some coffee. Shelley had two cans in the freezer."

He followed her to the kitchen. "I want a tour of our new house."

Carol looked up from the coffee maker, "Our house? I'm going to stay up all night reading. I'm going to paint instead of clean house. I start tomorrow at my new assignment. Eric and I are going to do repairs houses. So Casserole Carol is no more. The me I want to be isn't going to be a household drudge anymore."

Daryl was looking more pissed than hurt. "I don't want to live in a house with the lovebirds either. You got a man? That's why you wanta move out. So you can play house with Tobin or John Osborne?" _I'm taking the high road here and not telling you to go to hell._

"You can move in with Eugene and Rosita. She's a good cook too." _And pretty. Damn. Should have thought that through._

"I'd kill Eugene the first day. This looks like a nice place. Got a basement?" He wandered off downstairs while she made the coffee. He was soon back, "Not bad downstairs. Show me the rest of the house."

She led the way unwillingly. "You've seen the kitchen, dining area, and living room. Over here is the den and it has a bathroom. I've been using it as my studio." The room was a mess of scattered art supplies but Daryl plowed over to her latest painting. It was a pecan grove. Three girls were playing hide and seek among the trees and Carol had painted them more as ghosts than alive. It wasn't sweet and it wasn't beautiful. It looked haunted and slightly disturbed and she was fine with that. It was what it was.

He didn't say anything about the painting. Just bit his lip and stared at it. "Good place for your studio. Let's go upstairs."

There were three bedrooms upstairs. The master bedroom large and had an attached bathroom. The other two bedrooms were small and shared a Jack and Jill bathroom. The master had a bed with a brand new mattress. There was a bed in one of the other bedrooms that had never been used.

Daryl stared at her. "There is plenty of room for two people. Don't be so selfish. Now I'ma going over to the other house and swipe the apple cake. You get the coffee ready." He disappeared. _The man is moonstruck. Holding my hand, being jealous, and wanting to live with me. I like it, but what happens when moon starts waning?_

He was soon back with the cake, "Carl has eaten most of it. Damn kid." Carol cut him a generous slice and poured him a mug of coffee. She intended on talking him out of this mad scheme to play house with her.

He bit into the cake and chewed slowly, "I can see that you want to feel free in your own home. You got talents that you want to express. I ain't going to expect you to be my damn slave. Putting my cards out on the table. What I want is to go upstairs and help you make up the big bed. Then I want to be with you in that bed. I want as much as you are willing to give. "

Carol sipped her coffee, "Are you willing to use your body to convince me to let you stay?" She was only half joking. The concept that Daryl wanted to be in that bed with her was pretty staggering even if he had held her hand all evening. _Denise must be a helluva shrink._

"Are you willing to let me try?" Daryl took another bite, "This new you is going to cook once in a while. Right? 'Cause I might have to reconsider giving you my best stuff if you aren't ever going to cook." He smirked at her _. I am being trash talked by Daryl. He's looney tunes tonight._

Carol giggled. _I'm getting that buzz back. The one that makes me want to do something crazy. It must be the full moon. Luna was a Spanish word meaning moon. People went crazy on full moons were called lunatics. I'm giggling like a middle schooler at her crush_. "Might depend on how good your best stuff is."

"I'll be the best you ever had." Daryl finished his cake and coffee and put his dishes in the sink.

"That is setting the bar pretty low." Carol gave him a rueful smile and Daryl took her hands and kissed them. He didn't let go.

"Don't have to be the first, just want to be the last. Let's go upstairs. Rick and Michonne were still at it when I sneaked into the house and I don't think they need an audience. I can sleep in that other room or I can rock your world. It's your call."

She looked at their hands linked together. Different but they looked right together. Felt right too. Embrace the madness and let the moon take you to places you've never been. "Let's see if you're all talk and no walk." _Over the falls in a barrel. That's the new Carol._

They went upstairs and Carol remembered the toothbrushes in the bathroom. "Shelley was a hoarder. The bathroom is stocked."

 _Okay, I might be wild enough to sleep with Daryl, but I'm not giving up dental hygiene._ "I have to go brush my teeth."

Daryl laughed out loud, "I'll brush after you. I took a shower tonight. I swear I did."

He had the bed made by the time she was finished in the bathroom. "You just go ahead and hop into bed. Naked is going to look good on you." He made a dash to the bathroom. _He's nervous too._

She undressed and put her cargo pants, boots, socks, weapons, and bra in a neat stack on the armchair by the window. She couldn't quite give up her long sleeved white t shirt and panties. Turned off the lamp, got in bed and covered herself with the blanket. The moonlight cast its bright shadow on the bed. The commode flushed in the next room and there was the sound of water running. Daryl came out of the bathroom throwing his clothes on a heap of the floor. He pulled off his boxers and moved toward the bed. _Well, hello Sailor._

He pulled the blanket back and smiled when he saw that she was partially dressed. "Almost naked works too." He slid in beside her and snuggled her close. His lips met hers in a long close mouthed kiss and Daryl continued to kiss her without deepening the kiss until she understood. _He is letting me decide what happens. He knows that I've never had that before._

She pulled back and then kissed him with her tongue tracing his lips. He opened to her then and her tongue sought his and she could feel his shudder when they met. She hummed in response. Little fires were stirring deep within her. She wanted more and she took his hand and guided it under her shirt to her breast.

Daryl murmured in her ear, "Can I take the shirt off?" She nodded and sat up and he took it off in one quick move. She let her body tell her when it was ready and it wasn't long until she pulled her panties down and then guided his hand between her legs. His eager fingers touched her swollen clit and then moved purposely to bring her pleasure. Daryl coaxing her to let it out and she gave herself fully to the novel experience of being with someone who was focused on her release. She kissed him after and combed his too long hair back from his face. "I love you."

Then she grabbed his cock and guided it into her. The feelings of pleasure and pressure mixed together into an intense need for this to last long enough for her to climax. Daryl moved slowly at first until she prompted him to go faster and deeper. She shuddered as his cock pushed against something inside her and there was a sudden burst of pleasure-pain and she came in a series of shudders and shakes. Daryl gave one more deep thrust that sent aftershocks through her core and then fell back against his side of the bed. He finally gasped out, "I love you too."

They went to sleep in each other's arms and Carol expected that Daryl would wait until she went to sleep and then move to his side of the bed. She woke up in the night to find him still spooned behind her and he was still there when she woke early the next morning. She kissed him, "Wake up, Cinderella, it's time to go back to our day jobs." She usually woke up in a good mood and got less cheery as the day went along. Daryl woke up surly and stayed that way.

He groaned, "I am hoping that last night was real and not the best wet dream I ever had."

She leaned over and bit his nipple, "I decided to let the past go. All about the here and now."

Daryl kissed her neck, "You woke me up to have sex with me. This day couldn't get any better."

AN

Loved the Cher movie "Moonstruck".

One more chapter to go. This story is all about my frustration at the last episode of The Walking Dead which had Daryl being a bit of a tool and no Carol. That's unacceptable.


	2. In the Clear Light of Day

In the Cold Light of Day

Carol put the towels back on the rack and smiled. Daryl had convinced her that showering together made sound ecological sense and it would be too if you could take a quick shower and then leave. Apparently the cold light of day hadn't cooled Daryl's ardor. He was downstairs now waiting for her. It was time to get to work. She and Daryl were moving their possessions over to this house today.

Daryl was standing in the living room looking at the paintings and she knew that he would see this morning what he had missed in the lamp light last night. The peaceful scene of the pond in the center of town with its flowers and sheltering trees didn't have any people in it. Off to the side as if carelessly discarded was a toy sailboat lying on its side. Sam's sailboat.

The farm painting was all golden light from a hot Georgia summer sun. Slightly hazy as if the memory was beginning to fade but clear enough so that you could see that the house was slightly sagging and the grass had taken over the yard. And if you looked closely enough you would see that on the last step there was a small rag doll lying there that looked as if it were waiting for the little girl who had loved it to come back. Sophia's doll.

Daryl swiped at his eyes, "Didn't see it last night. Sometimes when I'm out in the woods I feel like Merle is right there watching me. When my dad would come home drunk and start beating on mom, Merle would take me to the woods behind the house and tell me to stay there and then he would go back and try to defend her from him. He taught me to hunt and track and I never feel him close like that anywhere else but in the woods. They're not really gone as long as we love them."

He took her hand again and they took the short walk back to the other house together. The moon still hung in the dark gray sky but morning was taking hold. Still, Carol was surprised to see Rick and a strange man talking in the kitchen. A charming little guy who introduced himself as Paul Rovio but said that his friends called him Jesus. Carol noticed that he was friendly to her but Paul was more interested in Daryl. _Paul's gay and he's hoping that Daryl is too._

She made breakfast while the men talked about a community called "Hilltop". Rick wanted to go there and trade for food today. Michonne came in with Judith who wanted Carol's attention and her breakfast. Michonne joined the conversation while Daryl helped her cook. He was quiet, just listening until Paul said that Negan was demanding more and more tribute.

"Who is this asshole Negan? Bunch of his thugs tried to kill us on our way home a few weeks ago. We ain't giving him shit. Those kind never want half a loaf. They won't be satisfied until they have it all." Daryl's angry growl made Judith whimper and Michonne picked her up to comfort her.

Rick and Daryl exchanged a look and Carol knew that Daryl would be out on some mission soon. The last few weeks of calm were over. Alexandria would be at war with this new group soon. Daryl was right. This Negan would want Alexandria for himself. Winter was coming and they couldn't make it out there anymore.

Morgan came upstairs for breakfast. The two of them had agreed to disagree. Daryl didn't know that Morgan had body slammed her because Carol had made the others in the room promise not to tell. Morgan had begged her forgiveness and she had given it because she shouldn't have stupid enough to start a fight when a herd of walkers was outside.

By the time breakfast was over their plans were made. Rick, Michonne, Daryl, Paul, Maggie, Glenn, and Abe would take "Jesus" back to Hilltop. It supposedly wasn't all that far and they would be back this evening. _It might be a trap._

Carl had shown up for breakfast last and was eating and sulking about being left back. _Join the club, Carl. Maybe it is only right to leave the toughest ones here to guard our home. The two of us will protect Judith. We always have._

Morgan offered to do dishes and clean up the kitchen and Carol fled to her old room upstairs. Daryl followed her into the room and shut the door behind them. Carol went to the window and stared out at the street. Her town was busy this morning. The little kids were being escorted to school and the adults were headed toward their jobs. She knew them all by name now. She liked most of them. _Don't want any of you to die._

Daryl kicked his boots off and settled on her bed. "You ever think about me when you were lying here?" _Way to change the subject, Daryl. Maybe that what he wanted. Didn't want me to go down the rabbit hole again_.

She gave up the window and sat down on the bed. "You come home tonight and I'll tell you all about it when we're in bed."

"I'm not going to think about you today. You don't think about me either. Stay alert. Jesus said that he takes the women for slaves or wives. Stay alive. Something happens you know I'll come and get you." Daryl rubbed her leg with his hand and she wanted was to sink down on the bed with him and let the world float away.

Carol bent and kissed him softly, "Get your ass up and get ready. I'm not going to fall apart because my bae is running off yet again. I would remind you not to stay away too long or John Osborne might start looking better."

He laughed but got off the bed and put his boots on, "I love you, Carol. I'ma going to stay alive and you behave yourself while I'm gone. And what in the hell is a bae?"

"It means that I love you and I think you're cool. I'm going to be here when you come home this evening. We'll eat dinner here and then go to our house where you are going to show me that I'm your bae."

Daryl put his arms around her. "Don't wanta go. Rather stay here and let you boss me around all day."

She burrowed her head into his shoulder, "

Later Michonne was rocking Judith and singing some song that Carol never heard on the porch. Carol settled in the other rocking chair. "So you and Rick".

Michonne smiled. "Me and Rick. So you and Daryl."

"Yes, me and Daryl." She and Michonne exchanged happy smiles.

Carol put out her hand and Michonne took it. "What was that song you were singing?"

"My mother sang it to me. It's from Zimbabwe. My mother and father immigrated to the United States before I was born." Michonne kissed the top of Judith's hair, "I sang it to my little boy, Andre. He loved it." _She's lost a son in all this._

"I'll watch over her while you and Rick are gone." Carol promised _. We've lost too many children. Not one more. Ever._

"You are the only reason I can go. Knowing that you will always look after Judith and Carl. You kept Carl in the house when the wolves came in protecting Judith. That kept them both safe." Michonne cleared her throat. "I'll watch over Daryl too."

Carol squeezed her hand. "Thank you. How would you feel about my asking Enid to help out babysitting Judith? And maybe have Carl work with Morgan on defenses?" _Michonne is their mother now. It is her call. Not mine._

"Carl said she had a little brother. She's good with Judith." Michonne seemed okay with it, but she gave Carol a questioning look.

"She's like us. She's lived out there and survived. She's struggling to find her place in Alexandria. Like me. I get it."

Rick and Daryl came out with their run bag. Carl and Enid followed them out. Carl still looking sulky. Morgan bringing up the rear looking enigmatic.

Michonne gave Rick to Judith while she gave Carl a hug goodbye. Rick smooched Judith and hugged Carl. Rick handed Judith to Carol and then hugged her, "Take good care of them and yourself." He gave her and Morgan a stern look, "Remember you two are on the same side. You squabble again and both of you are going to sit in a naughty chair."

Daryl gently rubbed Judith's head and kissed Carol goodbye. "You stay safe."

She kissed him back, "Don't be a hero. I have plans for you."

Glenn and Maggie left their house and came toward them. _Those two look so happy. Maggie's going to have a baby. For once let things work out for the best. We've had plenty of the worst._

Morgan stood beside her on the steps watching them go. Daryl did not look back and she didn't want him to. _He's got something to do and so do I._

Carl turned to Morgan, "Let's go to other house and I'll make you some coffee. We need to talk."

Morgan eyed her warily but finally gave her a cheeky grin, "Daryl hasn't cleared the gates and you are already trying to kill me or seduce me. Sounds like my day just got more interesting."

Carol muttered through gritted teeth, "Guess which I would rather do? I'm trying to stay out of the naughty chair."

He laughed then, a surprisingly robust bellow, " _I apologize."Lay on, Macduff,_

 _And damn'd be him that first cries, 'Hold, enough!_ '"

Carol recognized the Shakespeare reference. Macbeth's last words to his enemy Macduff telling him that this fight would be to the finish. Macduff kills Macbeth then. Cute reference. She shook her head at him, "Quote another play; the two of us are way more Lady Macbeth anyway."

Carl and Enid had drifted back into the house and Carol took Judith to them. Keep them busy. Idle hands being the Devil's workshop. Morgan met her at the door of her new house. _He always knows what's going on. Sneaky bastard._

Morgan wandered around the house as she made the coffee. She found him in the living room looking at the paintings. He took his mug and sat down on the couch beside her. "This place looks like you. Pleasing on the surface but so much more than that. There are all these hidden gems. Like the paintings and the books. So who are you really?"

Carol ignored his question. "I want the two of us to work together to protect Alexandria. I know that you've been working with Abe to strengthen the walls against walkers, but I want us to do better than that. We need to keep out human predators."

Morgan sipped his coffee, "How about some of that apple cake." He really was a sneaky bastard.

"Go sit at the dining room table." She handed him the next to last piece of cake and sat down with him at the table. _He probably didn't want the cake. Just kept me distracted until he could think about what I had said. Smart sneaky bastard_.

"I've had nightmares about what happened between us. You make me angry and I lose control. We're fighting and I pick you up and one part of me knows that I should be doing this and I do it anyway. In my nightmares you don't wake up and I'm there trying to get you to open your eyes and then I know that I've killed you." His hands were shaking and she knew too well that feeling. Regret and remorse and the inevitable second guessing.

Carol gave his hands a little pat, "I've been doing some soul searching of my own. You and I are too much alike. We both have done things that we regret. You tried to become someone who would never use violence against another person as a way to atone for your past. I tried to become cold and ruthless so that I wouldn't feel the guilt and remorse over what I didn't do. You aren't Obi-Wan Kenobi and I'm not Aurra Sing. You aren't the man who cleared everything in his path and I've not the woman who was too weak to save her daughter anymore. We need to stop hating that person and let them go." Her own hands were shaking now.

Morgan took a bite of cake. _He has to think everything through before he says it. We really are alike. Two peas in a pod. My brother from another mother_. _He knows me and I know him._

"So you want me to help you design ways to kill other humans to save Alexandria."

"It is to save the humans inside Alexandria. You could have killed me that night. You didn't. You couldn't. That's how you knew I couldn't kill you. You hate hurting anyone and that is how you know I hate it too. Let's meet in the middle."

He gave her an unbrotherly look, "Daryl is a very lucky man."

 _Don't go there, Morgan. That's a might have been because Daryl is a very lucky man._ "I love him. He's my rock in the storm."

Morgan gave a nod, "Daryl is a good man. We need more firepower and more people on the walls. I served in Afghanistan and Iraq with this guy. We stayed friends after. A real prepper, lived over in the West Virginia mountains. I visited him there right before this happened. He had a nice farm there and a bug out house up in the hills. He was divorced. No kids. He had stockpiled all kinds of munitions. I'll go there and see if I can find him. I'll leave in the morning."

"You are giving in too easily. Are you going to run off?" _Back to sneaky bastard._

"Maybe you aren't the only one who has been seeing Denise. Maybe I go in the morning instead of late at night. Maybe I want a home too. By the way, I want to live in your basement." Morgan took another bite of cake. "Good cake".

"No, stay with Rick and Michonne. Daryl and I want some privacy. This is our house." _I want to move here to get away from people not bring them all with me._

"The basement has an outside entrance. I won't be in the way. You do know that Enid will be moving in soon." Morgan finished his cake and coffee.

 _I've got to get rid of that cake. It attracts ants and people. I lost control somewhere here. Didn't I say no_? "Daryl doesn't know about our fight. Sooner or later Eugene will blurt it out. You don't want to be close by when he finds out. Enid will be fine with Maggie and Glenn."

He nodded agreement, "She probably would be, but you need her. Carol, you attract children. You have too much love to give to not give some of it to Enid. If I have to give up being Obi-Wan Kenobi then you have to allow yourself to be around children. She's a tough little cookie. Like you." _Has he been eavesdropping? Sneaky bastard._

"You can't go until we see our group gets back here. Daryl will want to go and if he goes then I'm going." _Did I win or lose this argument? I can't tell. Morgan is not going to live in our basement. Enid is not moving in here. I'm sure of that._

"Let's go next door. Take Judith for a walk and inspect our current defenses and what needs to be done. Enid and Carl can go with us. You ready?"

Carol stood up, "I'm ready."

AN

 **Didn't see that coming, but the Muse says that Carol and Morgan both have to move toward the center. I always write Carol and Morgan as being the best of friends.**

 **I tried to keep this at two chapters. Didn't happen. Carol isn't going to be on this week either.**

 **Review?**


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